Chris Ransome on His Adoption Experience
Adoption:
(I wrote this in parts so it might not flow well but this has been some rants and some reflection over the past 9 months or so that i finally put together. Now that Finalization is here I thought I might share it. Peace be with all who might take the time to read this.)
What do you think of when you hear that word? $$$$$? International? Jolie-Pitt? Trophy Child? RAD? These are all things that most people think of when they think of adoption. Let me give you a few more words. Redemption. Grace. Love. God. Let me take you down a very long path and hopefully you will get a bigger picture of what adoption and life after adoption has been for Mary and I.
We had always talked about adoption as an important part of our family. Even before we were dating we talked about the importance of it. We just thought that it would be $30,000 down the road and much later in life. Then our pastor spoke of God’s heart for the orphan and we became associated with Project 1.27. (Check them out if you have the chance). Anyway they covered much of the cost of adoption for the kids. They are amazing. Shortly after my 2nd son was born, we joined the program and started training. This was about a year and a half ago. We did all the training and during it we got introduced to 2 kids that attended our church. Their parental rights had just been terminated and they were free for adoption. We met them and thought of them as possible matches. After we got done with our training, we asked to get placed with them and found that someone else had specified them. No sweat, we’d just wait on God right? Well we waited a little bit and bugged Weld County to find us kids. Suddenly they called us and said do you want these 2 kids from your church. We were overjoyed. Then we learned about them.
Needless to say they came with baggage. They really tried to scare us away because they didn’t want it to fail down the road. We prayed a lot and God gave peace to our souls. He let us know that these 2 kids have a purpose in life and that we were going to be the family that he fulfills that purpose through. Then we met them. The first few times I was ready to back completely out of it. There was no way i could handle a 5 year old with ADHD and SPD as well as my 2 and 1 year old. And add a 7 year old girl? But God was bigger than my fears. The amazing part was that as my wife or I got scared, the other one had faith. God kept us going. And Praise be to God because of the work he has done. My son came to me on medication and with all of these problems and after 6 months, he is medication free and he is learning that he is in control of who he is. His “labels” no longer have a stronghold in his life.
I get asked almost daily how things are going. Most of the time i answer “They are going.” I don’t do this to be rude but it completely depends on the moment. Adoption is a roller coaster. You can be up one moment and then in the depths the next. You never know what is coming. We can have times of breakthroughs and meltdowns all in a matter of seconds.
Another thing I get a lot is people saying, “I’m sorry” or “well you chose this.” YES i did choose this. I’m not sorry. I’m glad i chose this path for my family and I’m not sorry for what it is doing to my family. Why would i be sorry for being in the will of God? I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is exactly where God wants me and my family. I know the struggles will end up good for His glory. More than that, when I struggle, God is glorified. And God gets to work when I can’t. You don’t tell missionaries, “I’m sorry that you are being persecuted.” Adoption is missions. We are going into an unknown culture and battlefield. It just happens to be inside my daughter and son instead of another country.
What i think that people don’t get is that this is “normal” life for us. They are all our kids. Bio, adopted, it doesn’t matter because we love them all. It isn’t the same love, but it is love. I can’t love Calvin the same exact way I love Breanna because they are different people. But the fact that I love both never changes. I don’t love one more than the other, just differently. Adoption isn’t basic parenting. It is second by second parenting and dealing with their emotional disruptions w/o going crazy yourself. It is very exhausting day after day but that is ok. Sometimes things don’t get done that a “normal” family might do but that is because sitting beside my son for 3 hours just so he knows I’m not leaving and I’m going to listen is more important than the dirty dishes in my sink.
Yes, we might over-react to certain things but that is just because we are looking at the bigger picture of their lives. We get to be blessed with little glimpses of what our children will become someday and that is our goal. While something might look like “normal” 7 year old behavior, my daughter isn’t normal. She is special because of what she has experienced. And that is why we deal with things different than most people. My children have experienced more things that most adults should and ever will experience.
I don’t want to leave you with a picture that adoption is struggles 24/7. God’s strength is bigger than all of this. There are huge joys. The fact that medicine no longer has a hold on my son’s life and that God is healing his mind and soul is amazing. The idea that tears are being shed on a kid who has rarely cried is a huge breakthrough. These kids, left to the system with no one to love them and call them their own, now have a place in a family and that is only by God’s Grace. We are part of redemption. How can you argue with the logic of loving a child? These children would have been wrecks and dismissed by society and mostly likely the church had God not brought them into our lives. It is by nothing that we are doing to save them or change them, yet God is slowly using us to be a part of something so much larger than ourselves.
I know that now we are looked at as the “poster family” for adoption. Our lives are not perfect. We struggle. Many days are absolute disasters yet God is lifted up. In spite of my anger, frustration, and disappointment at my children, God uses those times to heal them. If you want to be a part of a real redemption of souls. Get involved in adoption. Either adopt yourself or help those who have adopted by providing support. Adoption is breaking satan’s foothold in their lives and the children of these kids. The sins of the father really do travel down and this is a way to stop that.
Is it worth it? Absolutely. It is rough sometimes? Yes. But then God never promised us an easy life now did he?
