“I’ll Get Too Attached” – An Argument for Attachment and Sacrifice


One reason people share for not becoming a foster parent is the fear of becoming too attached and then, having to say goodbye. When a child enters the foster care system the goal is to reunify him with his parents. Extenuating circumstances can change this goal over time, but this is generally the initial goal.

The foster parents who a child is placed with will likely have to say goodbye after a period of time. This sounds scary to a lot of people, and rightfully so. It’s hard to open yourself to the idea of pain, to having to say goodbye. Becoming a foster parent is risky business. So why would you do it?

Because her heart matters. His heart matters. You become a foster parent because kids need families who will care for them and their hearts are hurting.P127_Too_Attached_Foster_Parenting

Use your imagination for a moment: Imagine being a kid, about 10 or so and one day finding out you will be living with someone other than your mom and dad, parents who you love dearly regardless of their faults. You may not understand why and you probably think you did something wrong and your parents don’t want you anymore. In this horrible moment of your life when you can’t go home, where would you hope to go? Wouldn’t you want to go to a caring and loving home?

It’s easy to get caught up in yourself, to worry about how you can handle it and how much the pain will affect you. It’s easy to forget what really matters: How it will affect the kids. Foster mom and blogger, Anna Kathryn asks “As a community of believers, will we choose to give these children only some of our hearts so that the rest of our hearts won’t feel pain? Or will we go all in for them?”

The call to live sacrificially is also Biblical. Jesus demonstrated this is the most extreme way, by dying for us. As believers we are called to live lives like Jesus. John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Evidence shows the benefits of attachment for kids from foster care. When a child feels attached he feels safe and secure. He knows he is loved. This is an important step to growth and many kids from foster care suffer from attachment disorders because of frequent moves and neglect. You won’t be able to cure attachment disorders, but you can help by creating an attachment with a child.

So we urge you to please prayerfully consider opening up your home and your heart. Open yourself up to pain for the sake of a child. Add another chair to your table for another heart to feel safe. Open your heart to the parents of this child and pray for reunification. It will hurt, but living a life in the way of Jesus was never meant to be pain free.

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